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RAMON PRESSON: When Grandma gets an iPhone


RAMON PRESSON: When Grandma gets an iPhone

Dear Grandson,
I hope you like this handwritten note. It could be my last.

No, I’m not dying. I’m taking your advice and am going to get a laptop computer this week. What do you know about the Dale brand of computers? Gladys said I should also have why-fy installed in the condo. I don’t know what that is but Gladys says I need it to make the computer work. I guess these computer companies are just like the government– nickel and dime you any way they can.

Dear Grandson,
This e-mail thing is great. No stamps. No licking envelopes. No papercuts on my tongue.

However, I’ve sent you six electronic letters this week but you have only responded to four of them. Are you OK? Did you remember to get the flu shot this year?

Dear Grandson,
This Google feature is wonderful. You can type in any question and it knows the answer. It reminds me of your grandfather who thought he knew everything, bless his heart.

Dear Grandson,
I have a new pen pal, or should I say e-pal? He is a Nigerian prince who had his wallet stolen while visiting the Philippines. I sent him some money to help him get back home and he is not only going to reimburse me but is going to let me in on an investment opportunity that could double the money I have left in my IRA.

Dear Grandson,
Who knew there were so many videos of cats doing funny things. I hope you enjoyed all the ones I sent to you. Also, did you read the article I sent to you about the 101 health benefits of apple vinegar?

Dear Grandson,
Why haven’t you accepted my Facebook friend request?

Dear Grandson,
I think you’ll be delighted to know that I bought an iPhone today. I can send you text messages now. Since your wife says that you are more married to your phone than to her I know you’ll always see my texts any time of day or night.

Dear Grandson, (text message)
I really thought you’d be more prompt in responding to text messages. And I have doubts that you really dropped your phone in the toilet. Again.

Dear Grandson, (text)
OMG, this phone can do everything. There’s SO many apps that I don’t know how I ever lived without. Are you familiar with something called Tender?

Dear Grandson, (text)
Do you think I should get an iPad? It looks cool and easier to carry than a laptop. But at my age iPad sounds like a product for incontinence.

Dear Grandson, (text)
I’m a Christian woman but video buffering makes me cuss.

Dear Grandson, (e-mail)
Have you heard of this thing called Amazon Prime? One click and in two days I had a cookbook, an extension ladder, and an essential oil diffuser delivered to my front door.

Dear Grandson (text)
I gave up on Match.com. I signed up for Gray Love. I might be difficult to reach this weekend. #Wild&CrazyInBranson

Dear Grandson, (text)
I’m sorry to hear that you dropped your laptop in the toilet. Thank goodness for texting, right? Hey, I bought this thing that looks like a hockey puck called Alexa. I have more conversations with her than I do with people. And when I ask her a question she actually responds… unlike some people I know and birthed.

Dear Grandson, (e-mail)
Thanks to e-mail, texting, electronic banking, Amazon, Google, and Alexa I haven’t had to communicate with another human being for 17 days now.

By the way, have you heard of this thing called Spotify? It’s like a giant free jukebox.

Yesterday I spent all morning coloring in my adult coloring book while listening to Elvis songs. I liked Elvis best in the early years before he gained a lot of weight and looked like a fat Evel Knievel in that white jump suit. Speaking of weight gain, you should see your Aunt Phyllis since she quit smoking.

Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin (www.ramonpressontherapy.com) and the author of several books. Reach him at
ramonpresson@gmail.com.

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