Hello, and congratulations on winning the $1.6 billion lottery jackpot.
I imagine you still haven’t gotten over the pleasant shock of being the lucky winner, and I bet you keep wondering, “How am I going to spend all that money?”
I know how you feel: I got a $25 Amazon gift card for my birthday back in June and I still haven’t used it yet because I can’t decide if I want a new Stephen King novel, a bath mat, or an electric salad shooter.
From the news reports I understand that you live in Simpsonville, South Carolina. What a coincidence! I lived just 15 miles from Simpsonville (In Greenville) back in 1998.
I wonder if we’re related.
Well, even if not, I believe we have a lot of things in common, being neighbors like we were.
For example, like you I am a
A) Clemson fan
B) University of South Carolina fan
C) Furman fan
D) Fan of any other college team you like instead
Like you, in the upcoming election I will be
A) Voting a straight Democrat ticket
B) Voting a straight Republican ticket
C) Voting for Independent candidates
D) Praying for a large meteor to hit Washington
I’m surprised we’ve never met at
A) The Beacon Drive-in in Spartanburg
B) Staxx in Greenville
C) Coach House in Simpsonville
D) Walgreens after eating at The Beacon
Just like you, my attitude about wealth is
A) No man is richer than he who is wealthy in friendships.
B) It is easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.
C) I know money can’t buy happiness but I’m definitely open to renting it for a while.
D) People who say that money can’t buy happiness just don’t know where to shop.
Next to Simpsonville, my favorite city in South Carolina is
B) Myrtle Beach
D) Any town at least 100 miles from Columbia
Our attitudes about Senator Lindsey Graham are identical in that
A) I feel he represents South Carolina well.
B) He’s in the news so much I forgot South Carolina also has Senator What’s His Name?
C) I think Graham was the inspiration for Frank Underwood’s character in “House of Cards.”
D) I’d rather look at former Governor Nikki Haley any day!
Oh my gosh, my favorite musical group is from South Carolina too! Of course, I’m referring to
B) The Marshall Tucker Band
C) Hootie and the Blowfish
D) Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs
Like you, I believe the famous peach water tower in Gaffney
A) Is a fine tribute to the peach industry’s contribution to the South Carolina economy
B) Is a reminder that South Carolina produces 3 times as many peaches as Georgia
C) Will survive long after that outlet mall gives up the ghost
D) Looks like a giant butt with a really bad rash
My dear new friend, I honestly had no idea that we had SO much in common. Did you?
I’m sure you’re familiar with the Venn diagram, where the shading in two overlapping circles represents what the two entities share in common. I don’t know about you, but if there’s two things I believe in, it’s shady and sharing.
Hey, this next week I’ll just happen to be driving through Simpsonville, which is 338 miles out of my way in route from Thompson’s Station to Brentwood, and I’d love to meet you for coffee there at the Waffle House on Grandview Drive and catch up on old times. Or we could meet at the Lexus dealership in Greenville or in the lobby of SunTrust Bank in Mauldin.
As the song goes,
“It doesn’t matter where or when,
I just want to be your needy friend,
Your faithful, needy friend.”
Yea, I’m pretty sure that’s from a song on Hootie’s second album. I don’t believe it was released as a single so you may not be familiar with it.
Take care, compadre, and I’ll call you when I get in town. In the meantime, tell your folks Ramon said hi.
Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin (www.ramonpressontherapy.com) and the author of several books. Reach him at
email@example.com. To read Presson’s previous columns go to www.franklinhomepage.com/?s=ramon+presson